Although food is the substance over which I struggled, it was not the root of my problem. I learned to be honest with myself and accepting responsibility that my struggle with food was really a struggle with not dealing with my emotions the correct way which left me empty and dead inside because to truly live from my own experience is to deal with your feelings head on and acknowledge them regardless if they make total sense or not. Working through them and working it out is what strengthens us and our character rather than burying it in some substance as I did. Emotional and spiritual emptiness was the real culprit and at times still can be. There is tremendous pressure from our culture and society to be thin and have the “perfect” body. Families can be to rigid or out of control in there family structure as mine was growing up. The pressure to conform to what others are doing or may think of me, appear perfect or put on the appearance of perfection, and not deal with negative emotions have all played a role in me turning to food. It is important that we recognize why we do the things we do and do we really have control or are we in control or does that thing have control over us. I know leaving home early, at the age of fifteen I was on my own so not only dealing with physical and emotional changes I became an adolescent left to myself with out any guidance which I know contributed largely to me turning to food to cope. I handled conflict poorly and used food to numb myself from negative feelings or emotions caused by circumstances or relationships in my life. This lead to a very undisciplined lifestyle. Interest in food or the feel good factor became all consuming to me. I began to have a relationship with food rather than myself or others. Sounds pretty silly and I had a hard time acknowledging it, but in order for me to be free I had to start acknowledging that it was a problem and it took me quite a while to realize food was never the real problem. After acknowledging this I had to correct my faulty eating habits and developed an appropriate view of food as nourishment. So my advice to anyone who maybe struggling with an eating disorder in any shape or form, to work through yourself, emotions, family and any other relationships that you may be struggling with. My Faith in God and not myself was the biggest help in this process to correct my view of self, open my eyes to what true beauty is and who I was created to be and then grow and mature into that woman that I am today and work on being each day. I am not saying I have it all perfect, but I am being perfected and transformed anew each day.
Something to think about; Do you like your body? Are you constantly dieting and wishing you looked like someone else? Do you spend your days thinking about food, weight, and your body? Do you count calories, weigh yourself multiple times a day, and feel “fat” no matter what you weigh? Are you uncomfortable eating a regular meal or maybe you don’t even know what one looks like? Do you make judgments about yourself based on what you eat? Do you think others are judging you by what you eat, and do you feel anxious eating around other people? This was me either in one area or some or all and the warped place I lived in, but because I was the one going through it I didn’t recognize it and was ignorant. This way of thinking was very damaging to me until I recognized what was really going on and decided to do something about it. I obviously had a lot of faulty thinking and it didn’t happen over night to change those habits so one day at a time, one habit or thought at a time and really starting to discern the thoughts and take them captive and think on them before I react or act.
More than 11 million women and girls struggle with eating disorders in America today and most of them in silence and in such a dark place because they start to believe the lie of who they have become and the eating disorder whether it be bulimia, anorexia, or compulsive and binge eating stars defining them. I pray for these young women that there eyes would be opened that they would see the truth that they were made for more and then become more. Thank God my eyes were opened and He saved me from myself and may He use me to help others. God Bless you all and May God keep you in perfect peace as you keep your mind on Him and who He created you to be.