Accountability

Accountability I have found is crucial to change my habits that are not helpful to me personally. I know first hand accountability is not is, especially when you have to confess your deepest, darkest secrets that you do not want anyone to know. When I was engaged to my husband, I knew that I would have no rest or peace entering into marriage with such a secret as bulimia and the control it had over me and my life. It would not be fair to my husband to bring such deception into our marriage and expect things to last. I know the truth sets us free and I could not be free if I could not be honest with the man that I was committing my life to. As I worked up the courage to sit down with him and pour my heart out to the first person ever other than God who knows all things and this is who I put my trust in, I was fearful that Greg would no longer want me because of my sickness which was so shameful to me. I was trusting God that His plans for me were for good and me telling Greg was stepping out in faith and telling my best friend, soon to be my husband that I was sick and needed him to love me and help me through. I had told myself for a long time, fifteen years to be exact that know one knows so I am ok and have been ok, and even if anyone suspects that I struggle or have an eating disorder they do not care otherwise they would have said something. Laying these thoughts aside I knew it was time to be honest and allow Greg to honestly know who I am and what he is committing himself to, and give him the option if he still wants to marry me knowing the whole truth without deception or falseness. Greg and I sat down and I poured out my heart to him crying the whole time I spoke wondering what he will do or say. After i had finished speaking and allowing myself to be vulnerable and transparent to the one person I was afraid of allowing to see me for who I really am in fear that he would leave me, says to me ” is that it? I love you and we will get through this together.” I knew without a doubt and had perfect peace that this was the man I was intended to spend my life with and he still til this day continues to uphold that standard. This also grew my faith to not only trust in the truth that sets me free, but to not fear it, but embrace it and confess it so there may be healing and change. My husband, other than God is my accountability partner because he wants good things for me and I trust he has not only my best interest at heart, but also the best interest for us as a family.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s