“Wide or Narrow, which do you choose?”

“Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it.” As I studied this verse and asked myself what does this look like in comparison to my food habits, I realized that I was heading towards destruction with those broad choices that I made that lead to a life of continual, habitual binging and purging. I had to acknowledge that the choices I needed to make were ones that for me were difficult and that was why I continued on the broad path of choices because it was the easier path to take. The narrow path required work, discipline, denial of self and the life I new for fifteen consecutive, habitual years of choosing the wide path that would ultimately lead to death. I had many excuse as to why I should continue on that wide path and the first was that I did not have to force myself to purge. There was no self inducing of vomit and by this I mean I did not have to stick my fingers down my throat. Not that it wasn’t like that in the beginning, but my body quickly adapted to that lifestyle and all I needed to do was bend over the toilet after a binge and I just accepted that I am sick and I have a disease, sickness that I no longer had control over so I did not care what I ate because it would make me sick anyways. I had no peace with that decision any longer because I realized I still had a choice regardless of the outcome and I had a responsibility to make better choices. I had to accept the fact that even if proper food choices still made me purge, I no longer was ignorant to the spiritual and emotional consequences that my food choices had done to me and I could not ignore or deny that I had a problem, a problem that I daily entered in willingly. For my spiritual health, emotional, health, mental health, and physical health I had to make changes that I knew were going to be difficult and would have to make a more narrow list of food choices that would lead to life, not just on a physical level, but spiritual. I wanted the easy way out and wanted God to just fix me, but how was I going to grow, mature or become the woman I am today if God just fixed me, which I knew He could if it were His will, but thank God He had a different plan and purpose through my battle. He instructed me though His word and by His spirit for me to show my faith in Him by walking in it and walking requires work, doing, not only having the knowledge to do something that will prosper us in wisdom, knowledge, and understanding of what is required of us, but the action of putting it into practice that the new way of life that we need to take becomes habitual. I had to starve my addiction to food and that destructive lifestyle and feed the new lifestyle of healthy choices that would bring life and blessings, rather than destruction and cursing. I had a hard time with admitting that something that God intended for good for me such as food to nourish that I used for years as a form of abuse, my go to to feed my emotions no matter what they were, joy, gladness, sadness, you name I fed it with food. Food was my drug of choice and my path of destruction. I have chosen by God’s grace to enter in the narrow gate which has brought blessings and new life and a healthy outlook on food. This has not been easy and it is a daily choice to be mindful of what I am nourishing my mind and body with and acknowledging whether or not the choices I make are helpful or harmful, do they bring life or destruction. I had to get to know me and what I needed and then apply it and work it out. A powerful verse that ministers to me and corrects me when I am in opposition of what I should be doing, but not is Phil.3:12-13 “Therefore, by beloved, as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure.” Whenever I would question whether or not I was doing God’s will I refer to this verse  because it was work for me to eat healthy, exercise, get enough sleep, and seek God for His will and not mine. This is part of my loving God, loving my family and others requires of me. We do not work for our salvation, but once saved we work out those things that are not healthy for us, and work for what is good knowing with full assurance and confidence that it is God who works in you and me both to will and to do for His good pleasure. It is easy to be good and work when others are watching, but the true test of self is when we are in our secret places and no one can see. Work it out with a healthy fear that God is always with us and He knows us best and what is best for us and required of us to not just know what to do, but do it. Focus more on what you and I need to do and that put what you believe in action. 

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