“Always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.”

I had been attending a non-denominational church for three years waiting for freedom over bulimia and wondered if I was doing something wrong because I knew God had freed me from a life of hell but I was still living in what seemed like hell while battling bulimia on a daily basis. For those three years while getting to know God, I just believed that he was going to miraculously take bulimia away. Guilt, shame, and self-condemnation was always present as I started to ask myself if God wanted something from me rather than me getting something from Him. I was ready for God to show me what He wanted of me, not only show me, but having the willingness to do what God’s will was no matter how hard it was or the work that it may require. As I changed my way of thinking to God’s will and not mine I was able to take the knowledge that I have learned and start applying it to my life so I would be a doer of the bible, not just hearing without action. I was denying God in my life, not intentionally but ignorantly. Once I realized this I needed to start taking responsibility of all that I was learning and apply it just like going to school. Church for me was like going to school and still is. If we go to school and never apply what we learn, then it is useless and that is the same with going to church. I was a lover of self by my actions because I would take pleasure in what made me feel good, but could destroy my life and those around me that I am to love. I was lacking self-control in my eating habits in this was a virtue that not only do I have access to, but something that I need to apply to my life and have to work it out. Not that I felt that I loved food and the pleasure of it more than others, but my actions spoke other wise because I daily continued in that behavior. My actions spoke louder than what I believed. I had to line up how I lived with what I believed. I did not always believe in God, But I do now and I know that my life will only have purpose if I actually live what I believe and the knowledge that I have learned. This was a defining moment for me when I realized that I had a form of godliness, but was denying God’s power in my life by my actions. I was so gullible lead away by my own free will and desires that I was missing out on God’s will and purposes for my life. I chose to not be that person who is always learning what God had to say, but not living it out. When I started living, this is when change happened. I know God in me is doing that work and is working it out continually on a daily basis, but I need to yield myself to Him and not my own will which I lived in torment for to long. The knowledge that opened my eyes is in 2 Timothy 3: 1-7, not my infinite wisdom


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